We Loved the Movie 'Like Crazy' Like Crazy

 Credit: iVillage

Have you ever really loved someone?

'Like Crazy' must be one of the most underrated films of late. It is a feat when a filmmaker is able to create a work of art that is both Hollywood romance and staunch realistic. Many girls have been smitten by that cute TA in the otherwise boring class. Here, U.K. visiting student Anna eyes her TA Jacob. Unlike the bulk of us, Anna sheepishly leaves a love note on Jacob’s car with her number on it. Whereas most notes on cars are deemed creepy, Jacob finds himself captivated by the foreign student’s audacity and charm. Fast forward through the awkward first date and the audience quickly sees the intoxicating passion between the two young students. “I love you...like crazy,” Anna whispers to Jacob. Pay attention to the way the two look at each other. The facial muscles and lips barely move and no words are spoken, but the audience can feel every ounce of love between the two.

On the last day of her student visa (and ostensibly, their last day together in the same continent for months), Anna first turns completely cold to Jacob, then in a sudden sweep of awakening, declares her decision to stay for the summer in violation of her visa. We see shot after shot of the couple embracing in bed each night in different attire, a montage proving that every second of her extended stay was nothing short of wonderful, crazy love.

The wise say one must never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. It is difficult as an outsider to look at the story and say, “She should have just waited the summer.” Because when you are young, in love, and in the moment, all that you can think about is the immediate future, as in the next hour or the next day.

The audience heart-wrenchingly watches as Anna and Jacob are physically, and later emotionally, ripped apart by their inability to be with each other. Anna’s decision in the moment to stay by a few months triggers agonizing consequences for both parties for years to follow. You can love someone you distrust. You can resent someone you can’t stop caring about. You can throw yourself at the most perfect other option. But when the passion is so consuming, you quickly find yourself circling back to the exact love that both lifts you up and crashes you down.

We are not spoiling the ending when we say that it deeply saddened us. Sometimes the thing we want most in life is to freeze the pane in our autobiographies to a time when things were so perfect. In this case, it’s the moment when Anna and Jacob were so unconditionally and crazy in love.

You don’t have to be fans of romantic stories to appreciate the underlying message of the film: you can only control so much of your life. The great thing about life is that nothing is ever certain. The bad thing about life is that nothing can be certain, no matter how hard one could work and hope for.

What the Heart Wants: Postpoining the wedding or leaving the marriage

“I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.”

Some may believe in destiny, but most cannot deny the intrinsic impact that fate and chance have on our lives. We can plan things exactly as we envision, but life throws lemons and takes turns where we least expect.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but some are often wed to the wrong person or wed at the wrong time in his or her life. There are two tragic instances that may (though hopefully won’t) come up in one’s life:
1. Second thoughts before the wedding

Maybe she has become a Bridezilla, contradicting ever cool, laid-back trait that ever made you fall in love with her in the first place. For the first time, you see how she reacts in the face of vanity, stress, and dealing with the shortcomings of others. Finances are suddenly a major consideration, and you two could not possibly be more divergent on viewpoints.

Going into the wedding with nerves is normal, but you know yourself better than anyone else. The unsettling fear and utter panic that nauseates one within an inch of life may be a sign that the wedding is too soon. A wedding is not merely an event, but an eternal legal binding between two people.

Many may fear the gossip and shame of postponing a wedding, but those people are not the ones who will be there for you when you realize you married too young or when your marriage is no longer making you happy. They are not the ones who see the misery at home behind the curtains. Do not worry about those who take your wedding as a foundation for speculation, small talk, and gossip. Sometimes, it may be better to slow down until you are really ready.


2. No longer happy in a marriage

Most of us are hopeless romantics at heart. The semblance of love can easily sweep us off our feet, in the head over heels way. Who can blame her, the girl who has fallen so devastatingly deep in love with the perfect guy? Marriage is the next step. She cannot imagine living the rest of her life without him. Some years later, those feelings have dissipated, and all that is left is a man she cannot see eye-t-eye with on a number of issues. Finances, beliefs, lifestyle, and the list just keeps growing.

The dissolution of marriage is a painful event that should happen to nobody. But most statistics show that approximately half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce when things go awry. Just because the numbers are high does not mean that one should look to divorce. However, what the numbers do reflect is the fact that many marriages are not between the right people, or that some people enter into marriages at the wrong time in their lives.

At one point, age 30 seemed to be the threshold age by which one absolutely must be married. Otherwise, one would carry the Scarlet Letter as someone who was immature or incapable of holding a relationship. However, in this modern bureaucratic age, it is clear that many of us are not fully done growing in our 20s, and perhaps even into our 30s. We grow up. We change. Sometimes what we absolutely wanted turns out to fall low on the priority list, and our spouses cannot accept the people we have become. The reverse is just as true. What do you do when the person before you does not remotely possess any part of the person you fell in love with and married?

Some will undoubtedly hold firm to the idea of marriage as an everlasting vow, and we commend their efforts. But not all of us can be that strong. Sometimes, it is necessary to do away with the noise and just remember that this is your life. You only get one. You deserve to be happy.

If you have a breakup or divorce story, we would love to hear it. Sign up at http://www.idonotanymore.com to be featured on our site when we launch in a couple weeks!

He's Just Not That Into You: Great movie until the last 10 minutes

 Credit: wikipedia

 
We can’t help but feel intrigued when Hollywood attempts to give us the inconvenient harsh truth. Most of what Hollywood produces give the audience unrealistic expectations about love and life. When a movie comes forward and delivers something other than a happy perfect ending, it comes as a painful refreshment. We don’t feel good about the story, but our perspectives are opened as a result.

He’s Just Not That Into You is based off a book by the same name. The book did not have a storyline but instead provided structured details as to how men react to women and why they go running in the opposite direction. The punchline for each scenario is, of course, that he’s just not that into you.

Based off all these “men interpretations,” the movie revolves around the lives of several modern Baltimore couples who are all connected in some way. The characters cover the spectrum from serial first dates girl to the married couple who met in college, presumptively so that everyone in the audience will be able to relate to at least one of the characters.

We have seen our fair share of romantic comedies, and this one certainly tops the list in humor. Most of the laughs come at the expense of Gigi, the girl who goes on dates with lots of men but never for more than one date. Why? Because they become just not that into her right off the bat. Every embarrassing remark or act by her causes viewers to squirm. For once, Hollywood is showing how real girls find love: they stumble without grace.  

There is cheating among the married couple, undoubtedly one of the most prevalent causes of the end of all marriages in the U.S. There is a couple that has been dating for nearly a decade, but one does not believe in marriage. Take a second and think that over. Can one truly fault that way of thinking? If over half of marriages end in divorce, doesn’t that necessarily mean that between two siblings, one will be divorced?

So in a nutshell, the movie does a great job delivering performances of the struggles and tensions among modern couples. It appears that gone are the days where love came organically at a young age and would last for a lifetime.

Then, the movie abruptly changes gears and gives most characters a happy ending, destroying the “harsh realities” theme that made the movie so appealing in the first place. We generally liked the movie, but it would have been more profound had the Hollywood endings been nixed.

How many toasters do two people need?

credit: bridalsmakeup.blogspot.com

Save-the-dates inform you - not so subtly - that you are to procure a preselected wedding present from a preselected venue the happy couple deems appropriate. Infallibly, the registry is bursting with knives, colanders, and dishtowels. My first foray into the wedding gift world came late in college aka I had not had to purchase a wedding gift until after I had seen several high budget Hollywood movies. By that point I was under the impression that appropriate wedding gifts consisted of crystal wine glasses or silver candelabras. Imagine my confusion when I opened the first registry and saw the couple had requested napkin rings at $3 a pop. I was horrified. Won't I be morbidly embarrassed coming with $18 worth of napkin rings?! I sought out the most expensive gift on the list - a $60 version of the George Foreman grill. When I showed up with it they were stunned at the extravagance. Their reaction was touching but also puzzling to me - I thought you were supposed to give fancy, extravagant gifts for the wedding? No? Okay...

Later, independent of this wedding I was informed that wedding gifts serve to start off the couple's life together. That is the reasoning behind all the everyday items like dishrags. This made sense to me and I made peace with the notion of buying practical gifts.

Then came the mid-20s avalanche of weddings and I found myself buying tons of glasses and toasters all the while thinking that I am contributing to the couple having a tastier breakfast with some warm bread. Along comes the next rude awakening! Turns out couples in their mid-to late twenties generally have all the stuff they need for living. Not only that but it is quite likely that they have two of everything because they merged their stuff (I know this because thanks to this process I have acquired a toaster). So why, I then ask myself, would anyone register for a third toaster? Are wedding gifts becoming obsolete in a time when people marry later in life? What about giving personal items - for instance a purse the bride wants? Or are you of the traditional school of thought and believe that we should stick to household items because they signify the couple's joint life rather than her vacuum, his iron? 

Blue Valentine: A Realistic Look at the Problems in Contemporary Marriage

“You promised you would take me for better or for worse. This is my worst.”

 Credit: JustJared

We’ve all heard the alarmingly high rate of divorce in the United States. There are a number of possible factors contributing to this -- money, technological changes, rise of women in the workplace -- but no one can peg the actual reason why divorce rates are so much higher. Is it simply the fact that the rise of divorces causes others to rethink their lives and proceed with divorce? No one knows.

We finally saw the much talked about Blue Valentine this weekend. Blue Valentine is a low budget ($1M) indy film released in 2010 starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.  The film artfully documents the relationship of two modern young working-class individuals who meet by chance and fall in love. The characters are lovable and carefree at the beginning of the relationship and depicted as miserable and stuck by the end.

What do you do when you wake up one day and your significant other stops giving you any attention or affection? From the other perspective, how do you handle the relationship when almost a decade has passed yet your spouse still acts like an child without responsibility and ambition? What Blue Valentine exemplifies is that the enigma of falling out of love does not necessarily have one single source or reason. Instead, it is the product of countless variables and sometimes, nobody is at fault while everyone gets hurt. There is a child involved. Both parties clearly have the child’s best interest at heart.

This is not a chic flick, and most certainly not a romantic film. This is a genuine look at the demise of relationships as it so painfully occurs to too many couples in this modern world. We take the film not as a depressing reminder but rather as a wake up call to reflect on our own lives and what we can do to prevent such demise.