“I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.”
Some may believe in destiny, but most cannot deny the intrinsic impact that fate and chance have on our lives. We can plan things exactly as we envision, but life throws lemons and takes turns where we least expect.
Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but some are often wed to the wrong person or wed at the wrong time in his or her life. There are two tragic instances that may (though hopefully won’t) come up in one’s life:
1. Second thoughts before the wedding
Maybe she has become a Bridezilla, contradicting ever cool, laid-back trait that ever made you fall in love with her in the first place. For the first time, you see how she reacts in the face of vanity, stress, and dealing with the shortcomings of others. Finances are suddenly a major consideration, and you two could not possibly be more divergent on viewpoints.
Going into the wedding with nerves is normal, but you know yourself better than anyone else. The unsettling fear and utter panic that nauseates one within an inch of life may be a sign that the wedding is too soon. A wedding is not merely an event, but an eternal legal binding between two people.
Many may fear the gossip and shame of postponing a wedding, but those people are not the ones who will be there for you when you realize you married too young or when your marriage is no longer making you happy. They are not the ones who see the misery at home behind the curtains. Do not worry about those who take your wedding as a foundation for speculation, small talk, and gossip. Sometimes, it may be better to slow down until you are really ready.
2. No longer happy in a marriage
Most of us are hopeless romantics at heart. The semblance of love can easily sweep us off our feet, in the head over heels way. Who can blame her, the girl who has fallen so devastatingly deep in love with the perfect guy? Marriage is the next step. She cannot imagine living the rest of her life without him. Some years later, those feelings have dissipated, and all that is left is a man she cannot see eye-t-eye with on a number of issues. Finances, beliefs, lifestyle, and the list just keeps growing.
The dissolution of marriage is a painful event that should happen to nobody. But most statistics show that approximately half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce when things go awry. Just because the numbers are high does not mean that one should look to divorce. However, what the numbers do reflect is the fact that many marriages are not between the right people, or that some people enter into marriages at the wrong time in their lives.
At one point, age 30 seemed to be the threshold age by which one absolutely must be married. Otherwise, one would carry the Scarlet Letter as someone who was immature or incapable of holding a relationship. However, in this modern bureaucratic age, it is clear that many of us are not fully done growing in our 20s, and perhaps even into our 30s. We grow up. We change. Sometimes what we absolutely wanted turns out to fall low on the priority list, and our spouses cannot accept the people we have become. The reverse is just as true. What do you do when the person before you does not remotely possess any part of the person you fell in love with and married?
Some will undoubtedly hold firm to the idea of marriage as an everlasting vow, and we commend their efforts. But not all of us can be that strong. Sometimes, it is necessary to do away with the noise and just remember that this is your life. You only get one. You deserve to be happy.
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Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Blue Valentine: A Realistic Look at the Problems in Contemporary Marriage
“You promised you would take me for better or for worse. This is my worst.”
Credit: JustJared
We’ve all heard the alarmingly high rate of divorce in the United States. There are a number of possible factors contributing to this -- money, technological changes, rise of women in the workplace -- but no one can peg the actual reason why divorce rates are so much higher. Is it simply the fact that the rise of divorces causes others to rethink their lives and proceed with divorce? No one knows.
We finally saw the much talked about Blue Valentine this weekend. Blue Valentine is a low budget ($1M) indy film released in 2010 starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. The film artfully documents the relationship of two modern young working-class individuals who meet by chance and fall in love. The characters are lovable and carefree at the beginning of the relationship and depicted as miserable and stuck by the end.
What do you do when you wake up one day and your significant other stops giving you any attention or affection? From the other perspective, how do you handle the relationship when almost a decade has passed yet your spouse still acts like an child without responsibility and ambition? What Blue Valentine exemplifies is that the enigma of falling out of love does not necessarily have one single source or reason. Instead, it is the product of countless variables and sometimes, nobody is at fault while everyone gets hurt. There is a child involved. Both parties clearly have the child’s best interest at heart.
This is not a chic flick, and most certainly not a romantic film. This is a genuine look at the demise of relationships as it so painfully occurs to too many couples in this modern world. We take the film not as a depressing reminder but rather as a wake up call to reflect on our own lives and what we can do to prevent such demise.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Jaw-dropping Celeb Divorce Settlements
Phil Collins and Orianne Cevey
AP Photo/ Keystone, Urs Flueeler
Cevey received an estimated $47 million as part of her divorce settlement. Not too shabby.
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills
Dailymail UK
James Cameron and Linda Hamilton
Huffpost
Their marriage sank as quickly as the Titanic. Just 18 months after marriage, Hamilton took HALF of Cameron’s $100 million earnings from the Oscar-winning film. “I’ll never let go,” Kate Winslet’s character whispers to the most handsome corpse at the end of Titanic. Never let go until you get the cha-ching.
Kevin Costner and Cindy Silva
© Darlene Hammond/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Former wife of the Dances with Wolves star danced away with an astonishing $80 million. Pardon me while I cry myself to sleep.
Harrison Ford and Melissa Mathison
According to IMDb (the source of all my movie knowledge), Ford raked in $150 per week during his early days. Fast forward some decades, a few major successes, and a broken marriage, and ex-wife Mathison walked away with $85 million.
Jim Smeal/WireImage.com
According to IMDb (the source of all my movie knowledge), Ford raked in $150 per week during his early days. Fast forward some decades, a few major successes, and a broken marriage, and ex-wife Mathison walked away with $85 million.
Madonna and Guy Ritchie
In exchange for her faux British accent, the Material Girl purportedly forked over somewhere between $76 and $92 million to Ritchie. Ouch. Ouch.
Jason Kempin/WireImage
In exchange for her faux British accent, the Material Girl purportedly forked over somewhere between $76 and $92 million to Ritchie. Ouch. Ouch.
Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving
A solid $100 million settlement to Irving, whom I have never heard of before. You may know Spielberg as the man who directed a film about Japanese geishas featuring an almost exclusive Chinese cast.
Neil Diamond and Marcia Murphey
I thought diamonds were forever! Murphey allegedly fetched a settlement of a cool $150 million from the country singer.
Michael Jordan and Juanita Jordan
© Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images
MJ supposedly paid Juanita $168 million after Juanita filed for divorce following their decade long marriage. Slam. Dunk. Marriage. Settlement.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver
Gold Wong/Getty Images
California is a community property state, and all wages and income earned during marriage will be presumed to be community property and thus split 50/50 upon divorce. The news of Arnold’s love child was quite a shock, but the fact that Arnold has accumulated wealth topping $500 million means Shriver could be entitled to $250 million. She is the terminator of his bank account.
And the #1 spot for costliest divorce goes to…
Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren
Getty Images
Even the hottest people get cheated on. What is wrong with this world? Luckily, Elin has settled for a skyscraping $750 million and is moving on with her single, fabulous life.
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