'Like Crazy' must be one of the most underrated films of late. It is a feat when a filmmaker is able to create a work of art that is both Hollywood romance and staunch realistic. Many girls have been smitten by that cute TA in the otherwise boring class. Here, U.K. visiting student Anna eyes her TA Jacob. Unlike the bulk of us, Anna sheepishly leaves a love note on Jacob’s car with her number on it. Whereas most notes on cars are deemed creepy, Jacob finds himself captivated by the foreign student’s audacity and charm. Fast forward through the awkward first date and the audience quickly sees the intoxicating passion between the two young students. “I love you...like crazy,” Anna whispers to Jacob. Pay attention to the way the two look at each other. The facial muscles and lips barely move and no words are spoken, but the audience can feel every ounce of love between the two.
On the last day of her student visa (and ostensibly, their last day together in the same continent for months), Anna first turns completely cold to Jacob, then in a sudden sweep of awakening, declares her decision to stay for the summer in violation of her visa. We see shot after shot of the couple embracing in bed each night in different attire, a montage proving that every second of her extended stay was nothing short of wonderful, crazy love.
The wise say one must never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. It is difficult as an outsider to look at the story and say, “She should have just waited the summer.” Because when you are young, in love, and in the moment, all that you can think about is the immediate future, as in the next hour or the next day.
The audience heart-wrenchingly watches as Anna and Jacob are physically, and later emotionally, ripped apart by their inability to be with each other. Anna’s decision in the moment to stay by a few months triggers agonizing consequences for both parties for years to follow. You can love someone you distrust. You can resent someone you can’t stop caring about. You can throw yourself at the most perfect other option. But when the passion is so consuming, you quickly find yourself circling back to the exact love that both lifts you up and crashes you down.
We are not spoiling the ending when we say that it deeply saddened us. Sometimes the thing we want most in life is to freeze the pane in our autobiographies to a time when things were so perfect. In this case, it’s the moment when Anna and Jacob were so unconditionally and crazy in love.
You don’t have to be fans of romantic stories to appreciate the underlying message of the film: you can only control so much of your life. The great thing about life is that nothing is ever certain. The bad thing about life is that nothing can be certain, no matter how hard one could work and hope for.
The idea of love spontaneously bursting between two platonic friends is the premise of many recent romantic comedies (see, for example, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Something Borrowed). Why? Because it is art imitating life, and because it is a concept that widely applies to viewers.
Most young professionals find it hard to meet potential girlfriends and boyfriends. Their days are spent either in the office (80% of the time), at the gym, or occasionally with friends. We live in a world where bars have become a playground of dating games, where girls and guys alike perform cruel tricks to either embarrass the other through rejection or use them. You could resort to online dating, but you may end up with this girl who is looking for lunch money or this uber-meticulous guy who records every minor detail about you.
It becomes natural and understandable why there are so many people who ultimately develop feelings for their friends. You see them regularly, clearly have enough in common to keep interested in each other's company, and feel vastly more comfortable around them. A girl can call her guy friend and get “a guy’s perspective” on a number of issues. After some time, the girl realizes that this is literally the only guy who has ever been fully open and honest with her, and that itself is a refreshment. She feels more comfortable around him than she does any other guy. Every time a guy breaks up with another girl, he calls his best friend. She listens for hours without disparaging judgment or a catty attitude. She helps him muster up the courage to try again, only with a more pinpointed target of an ideal mate. Soon, the guy notices that this friend is everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend.
Sometimes the Feelings are One-Way
So there you are. Either you have feelings for your friend, or your friend confesses his or her love for you. This unexpected development can be wonderful, but it can also be daunting. Maybe you don’t feel the same way, or maybe your feelings are not reciprocated. Sometimes, only one person wants to be more than friends.
Keeping the Friendship
The next step is tricky but vital. You need to take a breath and realize the importance of your friendship thus far and do what it takes to salvage the relationship, even if it doesn’t progress to something more. The most common mistake we see is when people in these situations start to feel awkward and respond by avoiding the person. This only fuels the awkward tension and soon you may find it impossible to continue your friendship the way it was before.
Candor Communication
Instead, the communication is so important. Do not lie or conceal anything or brush it off like it never happened. Be upfront to the other person. If you are the one who wants to be more than friends, tell the person you have feelings but will work to stay friends. If vice versa, gently let him or her down by expressly telling them how much you value their friendship and don’t want to lose them as a friend in your life. Do not just assume that by not addressing the issue and acting like the conversation never happened, you will be able to bounce back. It never works that way.
To our readers: have any of you lost a friend because one person wanted to be more than friends? Share it in the comments.
“I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.”
Some may believe in destiny, but most cannot deny the intrinsic impact that fate and chance have on our lives. We can plan things exactly as we envision, but life throws lemons and takes turns where we least expect.
Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but some are often wed to the wrong person or wed at the wrong time in his or her life. There are two tragic instances that may (though hopefully won’t) come up in one’s life: 1. Second thoughts before the wedding
Maybe she has become a Bridezilla, contradicting ever cool, laid-back trait that ever made you fall in love with her in the first place. For the first time, you see how she reacts in the face of vanity, stress, and dealing with the shortcomings of others. Finances are suddenly a major consideration, and you two could not possibly be more divergent on viewpoints.
Going into the wedding with nerves is normal, but you know yourself better than anyone else. The unsettling fear and utter panic that nauseates one within an inch of life may be a sign that the wedding is too soon. A wedding is not merely an event, but an eternal legal binding between two people.
Many may fear the gossip and shame of postponing a wedding, but those people are not the ones who will be there for you when you realize you married too young or when your marriage is no longer making you happy. They are not the ones who see the misery at home behind the curtains. Do not worry about those who take your wedding as a foundation for speculation, small talk, and gossip. Sometimes, it may be better to slow down until you are really ready.
2. No longer happy in a marriage
Most of us are hopeless romantics at heart. The semblance of love can easily sweep us off our feet, in the head over heels way. Who can blame her, the girl who has fallen so devastatingly deep in love with the perfect guy? Marriage is the next step. She cannot imagine living the rest of her life without him. Some years later, those feelings have dissipated, and all that is left is a man she cannot see eye-t-eye with on a number of issues. Finances, beliefs, lifestyle, and the list just keeps growing.
The dissolution of marriage is a painful event that should happen to nobody. But most statistics show that approximately half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce when things go awry. Just because the numbers are high does not mean that one should look to divorce. However, what the numbers do reflect is the fact that many marriages are not between the right people, or that some people enter into marriages at the wrong time in their lives.
At one point, age 30 seemed to be the threshold age by which one absolutely must be married. Otherwise, one would carry the Scarlet Letter as someone who was immature or incapable of holding a relationship. However, in this modern bureaucratic age, it is clear that many of us are not fully done growing in our 20s, and perhaps even into our 30s. We grow up. We change. Sometimes what we absolutely wanted turns out to fall low on the priority list, and our spouses cannot accept the people we have become. The reverse is just as true. What do you do when the person before you does not remotely possess any part of the person you fell in love with and married?
Some will undoubtedly hold firm to the idea of marriage as an everlasting vow, and we commend their efforts. But not all of us can be that strong. Sometimes, it is necessary to do away with the noise and just remember that this is your life. You only get one. You deserve to be happy.
If you have a breakup or divorce story, we would love to hear it. Sign up at http://www.idonotanymore.com to be featured on our site when we launch in a couple weeks!
