We Loved the Movie 'Like Crazy' Like Crazy

 Credit: iVillage

Have you ever really loved someone?

'Like Crazy' must be one of the most underrated films of late. It is a feat when a filmmaker is able to create a work of art that is both Hollywood romance and staunch realistic. Many girls have been smitten by that cute TA in the otherwise boring class. Here, U.K. visiting student Anna eyes her TA Jacob. Unlike the bulk of us, Anna sheepishly leaves a love note on Jacob’s car with her number on it. Whereas most notes on cars are deemed creepy, Jacob finds himself captivated by the foreign student’s audacity and charm. Fast forward through the awkward first date and the audience quickly sees the intoxicating passion between the two young students. “I love you...like crazy,” Anna whispers to Jacob. Pay attention to the way the two look at each other. The facial muscles and lips barely move and no words are spoken, but the audience can feel every ounce of love between the two.

On the last day of her student visa (and ostensibly, their last day together in the same continent for months), Anna first turns completely cold to Jacob, then in a sudden sweep of awakening, declares her decision to stay for the summer in violation of her visa. We see shot after shot of the couple embracing in bed each night in different attire, a montage proving that every second of her extended stay was nothing short of wonderful, crazy love.

The wise say one must never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. It is difficult as an outsider to look at the story and say, “She should have just waited the summer.” Because when you are young, in love, and in the moment, all that you can think about is the immediate future, as in the next hour or the next day.

The audience heart-wrenchingly watches as Anna and Jacob are physically, and later emotionally, ripped apart by their inability to be with each other. Anna’s decision in the moment to stay by a few months triggers agonizing consequences for both parties for years to follow. You can love someone you distrust. You can resent someone you can’t stop caring about. You can throw yourself at the most perfect other option. But when the passion is so consuming, you quickly find yourself circling back to the exact love that both lifts you up and crashes you down.

We are not spoiling the ending when we say that it deeply saddened us. Sometimes the thing we want most in life is to freeze the pane in our autobiographies to a time when things were so perfect. In this case, it’s the moment when Anna and Jacob were so unconditionally and crazy in love.

You don’t have to be fans of romantic stories to appreciate the underlying message of the film: you can only control so much of your life. The great thing about life is that nothing is ever certain. The bad thing about life is that nothing can be certain, no matter how hard one could work and hope for.

When there is something more between friends

Credit: Rotten Tomatoes

The idea of love spontaneously bursting between two platonic friends is the premise of many recent romantic comedies (see, for example, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Something Borrowed). Why? Because it is art imitating life, and because it is a concept that widely applies to viewers.

Most young professionals find it hard to meet potential girlfriends and boyfriends. Their days are spent either in the office (80% of the time), at the gym, or occasionally with friends. We live in a world where bars have become a playground of dating games, where girls and guys alike perform cruel tricks to either embarrass the other through rejection or use them. You could resort to online dating, but you may end up with this girl who is looking for lunch money or this uber-meticulous guy who records every minor detail about you.

It becomes natural and understandable why there are so many people who ultimately develop feelings for their friends. You see them regularly, clearly have enough in common to keep interested in each other's company, and feel vastly more comfortable around them. A girl can call her guy friend and get “a guy’s perspective” on a number of issues. After some time, the girl realizes that this is literally the only guy who has ever been fully open and honest with her, and that itself is a refreshment. She feels more comfortable around him than she does any other guy. Every time a guy breaks up with another girl, he calls his best friend. She listens for hours without disparaging judgment or a catty attitude. She helps him muster up the courage to try again, only with a more pinpointed target of an ideal mate. Soon, the guy notices that this friend is everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend.

Sometimes the Feelings are One-Way

So there you are. Either you have feelings for your friend, or your friend confesses his or her love for you. This unexpected development can be wonderful, but it can also be daunting. Maybe you don’t feel the same way, or maybe your feelings are not reciprocated. Sometimes, only one person wants to be more than friends.

Keeping the Friendship

The next step is tricky but vital. You need to take a breath and realize the importance of your friendship thus far and do what it takes to salvage the relationship, even if it doesn’t progress to something more. The most common mistake we see is when people in these situations start to feel awkward and respond by avoiding the person. This only fuels the awkward tension and soon you may find it impossible to continue your friendship the way it was before.

Candor Communication

Instead, the communication is so important. Do not lie or conceal anything or brush it off like it never happened. Be upfront to the other person. If you are the one who wants to be more than friends, tell the person you have feelings but will work to stay friends. If vice versa, gently let him or her down by expressly telling them how much you value their friendship and don’t want to lose them as a friend in your life. Do not just assume that by not addressing the issue and acting like the conversation never happened, you will be able to bounce back. It never works that way.

To our readers: have any of you lost a friend because one person wanted to be more than friends? Share it in the comments.

Blue Valentine: A Realistic Look at the Problems in Contemporary Marriage

“You promised you would take me for better or for worse. This is my worst.”

 Credit: JustJared

We’ve all heard the alarmingly high rate of divorce in the United States. There are a number of possible factors contributing to this -- money, technological changes, rise of women in the workplace -- but no one can peg the actual reason why divorce rates are so much higher. Is it simply the fact that the rise of divorces causes others to rethink their lives and proceed with divorce? No one knows.

We finally saw the much talked about Blue Valentine this weekend. Blue Valentine is a low budget ($1M) indy film released in 2010 starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.  The film artfully documents the relationship of two modern young working-class individuals who meet by chance and fall in love. The characters are lovable and carefree at the beginning of the relationship and depicted as miserable and stuck by the end.

What do you do when you wake up one day and your significant other stops giving you any attention or affection? From the other perspective, how do you handle the relationship when almost a decade has passed yet your spouse still acts like an child without responsibility and ambition? What Blue Valentine exemplifies is that the enigma of falling out of love does not necessarily have one single source or reason. Instead, it is the product of countless variables and sometimes, nobody is at fault while everyone gets hurt. There is a child involved. Both parties clearly have the child’s best interest at heart.

This is not a chic flick, and most certainly not a romantic film. This is a genuine look at the demise of relationships as it so painfully occurs to too many couples in this modern world. We take the film not as a depressing reminder but rather as a wake up call to reflect on our own lives and what we can do to prevent such demise.

Breakup Song Blast

Put on the comfy jammies, light some candles, pour a glass of wine, and crank up the volume with these songs on repeat. This is a necessary process in recovering after a breakup. When you listen to sad songs about breakups, it reminds you that you are not alone and that others have felt the same heartbreak. Others have moved on, and so will you. You might have a good cry, but time heals everything.

1. “Almost Lover” by A Fine Frenzy

The chorus tugs at any listener’s heartstrings. It’s about finding someone you thought was “the one” but ultimately losing him or her. It’s about coming so, so close. The almost lover who almost was.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

 

2. “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt

Every ounce of emotion is exploited in his voice. James Blunt sings with so much passion that we cannot help but feel his pain.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

3. “Soulmate” by Natasha Bedingfield

Ever feel like you are the odd single person in a room full of couples? You are not alone. In one of the most somber ballads ever, Natasha Bedingfield sings about loneliness and wonders when her soulmate will finally come to her.

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

4. “It Is What It Is” by Lifehouse

Most sad heartbreak songs sing about loneliness or fighting. The music and lyrics are insurmountably beautiful. This is not a song about an actual breakup or cheating. This is a song about realizing that your relationship is no longer what it was and finally just letting it be.

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

5. "Someone Like You" by Adele

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard this song before. With the most powerful set of vocals, Adele expresses the anguish and hurt she feels when meeting with her former lover after some time has passed. He’s clearly moved on, according to her, while she remains frozen in the past, still loving and wanting him like she once did. She wishes him the best, but pleads he not forget her and what they once had. Maybe she will find someone like him. We listeners certainly hope she does.

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you two
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Whether you've just been through a breakup or you are having a bad weekend, these songs (coupled with wine and chocolate) remind you that you are not alone and that there will be new happy ever afters in the end. Some people may say listening to sad songs furthers the heartbreak. Personally, a deep and meaningful song is a way of connecting with the artist, a way to purge the sadness so that we can finally move on with the rest of our lives.