When there is something more between friends

Credit: Rotten Tomatoes

The idea of love spontaneously bursting between two platonic friends is the premise of many recent romantic comedies (see, for example, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Something Borrowed). Why? Because it is art imitating life, and because it is a concept that widely applies to viewers.

Most young professionals find it hard to meet potential girlfriends and boyfriends. Their days are spent either in the office (80% of the time), at the gym, or occasionally with friends. We live in a world where bars have become a playground of dating games, where girls and guys alike perform cruel tricks to either embarrass the other through rejection or use them. You could resort to online dating, but you may end up with this girl who is looking for lunch money or this uber-meticulous guy who records every minor detail about you.

It becomes natural and understandable why there are so many people who ultimately develop feelings for their friends. You see them regularly, clearly have enough in common to keep interested in each other's company, and feel vastly more comfortable around them. A girl can call her guy friend and get “a guy’s perspective” on a number of issues. After some time, the girl realizes that this is literally the only guy who has ever been fully open and honest with her, and that itself is a refreshment. She feels more comfortable around him than she does any other guy. Every time a guy breaks up with another girl, he calls his best friend. She listens for hours without disparaging judgment or a catty attitude. She helps him muster up the courage to try again, only with a more pinpointed target of an ideal mate. Soon, the guy notices that this friend is everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend.

Sometimes the Feelings are One-Way

So there you are. Either you have feelings for your friend, or your friend confesses his or her love for you. This unexpected development can be wonderful, but it can also be daunting. Maybe you don’t feel the same way, or maybe your feelings are not reciprocated. Sometimes, only one person wants to be more than friends.

Keeping the Friendship

The next step is tricky but vital. You need to take a breath and realize the importance of your friendship thus far and do what it takes to salvage the relationship, even if it doesn’t progress to something more. The most common mistake we see is when people in these situations start to feel awkward and respond by avoiding the person. This only fuels the awkward tension and soon you may find it impossible to continue your friendship the way it was before.

Candor Communication

Instead, the communication is so important. Do not lie or conceal anything or brush it off like it never happened. Be upfront to the other person. If you are the one who wants to be more than friends, tell the person you have feelings but will work to stay friends. If vice versa, gently let him or her down by expressly telling them how much you value their friendship and don’t want to lose them as a friend in your life. Do not just assume that by not addressing the issue and acting like the conversation never happened, you will be able to bounce back. It never works that way.

To our readers: have any of you lost a friend because one person wanted to be more than friends? Share it in the comments.