We Loved the Movie 'Like Crazy' Like Crazy

 Credit: iVillage

Have you ever really loved someone?

'Like Crazy' must be one of the most underrated films of late. It is a feat when a filmmaker is able to create a work of art that is both Hollywood romance and staunch realistic. Many girls have been smitten by that cute TA in the otherwise boring class. Here, U.K. visiting student Anna eyes her TA Jacob. Unlike the bulk of us, Anna sheepishly leaves a love note on Jacob’s car with her number on it. Whereas most notes on cars are deemed creepy, Jacob finds himself captivated by the foreign student’s audacity and charm. Fast forward through the awkward first date and the audience quickly sees the intoxicating passion between the two young students. “I love you...like crazy,” Anna whispers to Jacob. Pay attention to the way the two look at each other. The facial muscles and lips barely move and no words are spoken, but the audience can feel every ounce of love between the two.

On the last day of her student visa (and ostensibly, their last day together in the same continent for months), Anna first turns completely cold to Jacob, then in a sudden sweep of awakening, declares her decision to stay for the summer in violation of her visa. We see shot after shot of the couple embracing in bed each night in different attire, a montage proving that every second of her extended stay was nothing short of wonderful, crazy love.

The wise say one must never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. It is difficult as an outsider to look at the story and say, “She should have just waited the summer.” Because when you are young, in love, and in the moment, all that you can think about is the immediate future, as in the next hour or the next day.

The audience heart-wrenchingly watches as Anna and Jacob are physically, and later emotionally, ripped apart by their inability to be with each other. Anna’s decision in the moment to stay by a few months triggers agonizing consequences for both parties for years to follow. You can love someone you distrust. You can resent someone you can’t stop caring about. You can throw yourself at the most perfect other option. But when the passion is so consuming, you quickly find yourself circling back to the exact love that both lifts you up and crashes you down.

We are not spoiling the ending when we say that it deeply saddened us. Sometimes the thing we want most in life is to freeze the pane in our autobiographies to a time when things were so perfect. In this case, it’s the moment when Anna and Jacob were so unconditionally and crazy in love.

You don’t have to be fans of romantic stories to appreciate the underlying message of the film: you can only control so much of your life. The great thing about life is that nothing is ever certain. The bad thing about life is that nothing can be certain, no matter how hard one could work and hope for.

When there is something more between friends

Credit: Rotten Tomatoes

The idea of love spontaneously bursting between two platonic friends is the premise of many recent romantic comedies (see, for example, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Something Borrowed). Why? Because it is art imitating life, and because it is a concept that widely applies to viewers.

Most young professionals find it hard to meet potential girlfriends and boyfriends. Their days are spent either in the office (80% of the time), at the gym, or occasionally with friends. We live in a world where bars have become a playground of dating games, where girls and guys alike perform cruel tricks to either embarrass the other through rejection or use them. You could resort to online dating, but you may end up with this girl who is looking for lunch money or this uber-meticulous guy who records every minor detail about you.

It becomes natural and understandable why there are so many people who ultimately develop feelings for their friends. You see them regularly, clearly have enough in common to keep interested in each other's company, and feel vastly more comfortable around them. A girl can call her guy friend and get “a guy’s perspective” on a number of issues. After some time, the girl realizes that this is literally the only guy who has ever been fully open and honest with her, and that itself is a refreshment. She feels more comfortable around him than she does any other guy. Every time a guy breaks up with another girl, he calls his best friend. She listens for hours without disparaging judgment or a catty attitude. She helps him muster up the courage to try again, only with a more pinpointed target of an ideal mate. Soon, the guy notices that this friend is everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend.

Sometimes the Feelings are One-Way

So there you are. Either you have feelings for your friend, or your friend confesses his or her love for you. This unexpected development can be wonderful, but it can also be daunting. Maybe you don’t feel the same way, or maybe your feelings are not reciprocated. Sometimes, only one person wants to be more than friends.

Keeping the Friendship

The next step is tricky but vital. You need to take a breath and realize the importance of your friendship thus far and do what it takes to salvage the relationship, even if it doesn’t progress to something more. The most common mistake we see is when people in these situations start to feel awkward and respond by avoiding the person. This only fuels the awkward tension and soon you may find it impossible to continue your friendship the way it was before.

Candor Communication

Instead, the communication is so important. Do not lie or conceal anything or brush it off like it never happened. Be upfront to the other person. If you are the one who wants to be more than friends, tell the person you have feelings but will work to stay friends. If vice versa, gently let him or her down by expressly telling them how much you value their friendship and don’t want to lose them as a friend in your life. Do not just assume that by not addressing the issue and acting like the conversation never happened, you will be able to bounce back. It never works that way.

To our readers: have any of you lost a friend because one person wanted to be more than friends? Share it in the comments.

What the Heart Wants: Postpoining the wedding or leaving the marriage

“I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.”

Some may believe in destiny, but most cannot deny the intrinsic impact that fate and chance have on our lives. We can plan things exactly as we envision, but life throws lemons and takes turns where we least expect.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but some are often wed to the wrong person or wed at the wrong time in his or her life. There are two tragic instances that may (though hopefully won’t) come up in one’s life:
1. Second thoughts before the wedding

Maybe she has become a Bridezilla, contradicting ever cool, laid-back trait that ever made you fall in love with her in the first place. For the first time, you see how she reacts in the face of vanity, stress, and dealing with the shortcomings of others. Finances are suddenly a major consideration, and you two could not possibly be more divergent on viewpoints.

Going into the wedding with nerves is normal, but you know yourself better than anyone else. The unsettling fear and utter panic that nauseates one within an inch of life may be a sign that the wedding is too soon. A wedding is not merely an event, but an eternal legal binding between two people.

Many may fear the gossip and shame of postponing a wedding, but those people are not the ones who will be there for you when you realize you married too young or when your marriage is no longer making you happy. They are not the ones who see the misery at home behind the curtains. Do not worry about those who take your wedding as a foundation for speculation, small talk, and gossip. Sometimes, it may be better to slow down until you are really ready.


2. No longer happy in a marriage

Most of us are hopeless romantics at heart. The semblance of love can easily sweep us off our feet, in the head over heels way. Who can blame her, the girl who has fallen so devastatingly deep in love with the perfect guy? Marriage is the next step. She cannot imagine living the rest of her life without him. Some years later, those feelings have dissipated, and all that is left is a man she cannot see eye-t-eye with on a number of issues. Finances, beliefs, lifestyle, and the list just keeps growing.

The dissolution of marriage is a painful event that should happen to nobody. But most statistics show that approximately half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce when things go awry. Just because the numbers are high does not mean that one should look to divorce. However, what the numbers do reflect is the fact that many marriages are not between the right people, or that some people enter into marriages at the wrong time in their lives.

At one point, age 30 seemed to be the threshold age by which one absolutely must be married. Otherwise, one would carry the Scarlet Letter as someone who was immature or incapable of holding a relationship. However, in this modern bureaucratic age, it is clear that many of us are not fully done growing in our 20s, and perhaps even into our 30s. We grow up. We change. Sometimes what we absolutely wanted turns out to fall low on the priority list, and our spouses cannot accept the people we have become. The reverse is just as true. What do you do when the person before you does not remotely possess any part of the person you fell in love with and married?

Some will undoubtedly hold firm to the idea of marriage as an everlasting vow, and we commend their efforts. But not all of us can be that strong. Sometimes, it is necessary to do away with the noise and just remember that this is your life. You only get one. You deserve to be happy.

If you have a breakup or divorce story, we would love to hear it. Sign up at http://www.idonotanymore.com to be featured on our site when we launch in a couple weeks!

He's Just Not That Into You: Great movie until the last 10 minutes

 Credit: wikipedia

 
We can’t help but feel intrigued when Hollywood attempts to give us the inconvenient harsh truth. Most of what Hollywood produces give the audience unrealistic expectations about love and life. When a movie comes forward and delivers something other than a happy perfect ending, it comes as a painful refreshment. We don’t feel good about the story, but our perspectives are opened as a result.

He’s Just Not That Into You is based off a book by the same name. The book did not have a storyline but instead provided structured details as to how men react to women and why they go running in the opposite direction. The punchline for each scenario is, of course, that he’s just not that into you.

Based off all these “men interpretations,” the movie revolves around the lives of several modern Baltimore couples who are all connected in some way. The characters cover the spectrum from serial first dates girl to the married couple who met in college, presumptively so that everyone in the audience will be able to relate to at least one of the characters.

We have seen our fair share of romantic comedies, and this one certainly tops the list in humor. Most of the laughs come at the expense of Gigi, the girl who goes on dates with lots of men but never for more than one date. Why? Because they become just not that into her right off the bat. Every embarrassing remark or act by her causes viewers to squirm. For once, Hollywood is showing how real girls find love: they stumble without grace.  

There is cheating among the married couple, undoubtedly one of the most prevalent causes of the end of all marriages in the U.S. There is a couple that has been dating for nearly a decade, but one does not believe in marriage. Take a second and think that over. Can one truly fault that way of thinking? If over half of marriages end in divorce, doesn’t that necessarily mean that between two siblings, one will be divorced?

So in a nutshell, the movie does a great job delivering performances of the struggles and tensions among modern couples. It appears that gone are the days where love came organically at a young age and would last for a lifetime.

Then, the movie abruptly changes gears and gives most characters a happy ending, destroying the “harsh realities” theme that made the movie so appealing in the first place. We generally liked the movie, but it would have been more profound had the Hollywood endings been nixed.

Office Romance: Yay or Nay?

 Credit: BusinessInsider

Are you like Pam or Jim from The Office?

Most of us spend at least 40 hours a week in the office, or 80% of our waking hours. With the countless stories exchanged, small talk and occasional personal remarks, we get to know our colleagues better than anyone else.

It would be superfluous to state that office romances are not kosher -- when two singles spend that much time together and develop a strong bond, the rush of the heart racing is natural and common. There is also something inherently dangerous or taboo about dating in the office that makes it even more enticing. You are being watched, whether by your supervisor, fellow co-workers or even the security guard who canvases the building and frequently sees you two walking together. The thrill of doing something seemingly unorthodox gives the office romance a hint of vulnerability that fuels youthful passion.

Sometimes, the most passionate of relationships come with the most difficult demises. Stripped of the romance, you are just two co-workers who often need to cooperate on projects and communicate hourly about the job. A nasty breakup or conflict will heavily cripple both your abilities to carry out your professional duties. Just being in the same office may prove uneasy.

So where does that leave us? Abandon the romance?

Nobody can answer this but yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else. You know whether you are the type that can bounce back into a cordial professional demeanor after a split, or whether you are the type to go running as far away as possible in the face of discomfort. Assess your situation with the best possible objective view, knowing that things are never nearly as predictable as one may hope. For those who do decide to pursue the romance, here are three wise tips:
 
1. Keep work and love separate:

You will constantly run into each other in the office. Keep your co-workers and boss out of the picture. Do not get anyone involved by displaying your affection or attending company events as a couple. When you are in the office, you are there to work. Every hug or act of love in front of your co-workers taints their ability to fully judge you for your work alone. The last thing you want is for your co-workers to associate you as the “girlfriend” instead of the “professional.” In a world where office gossip is a regular part of life, do not position yourself so that you become the hot topic of discussion.

2. Communicate early on about boundaries:

Assuming you are both reasonable, neither one of you desires things to escalate into a sour breakup. Have the talk very early on about what you both want. Confirm with each other your abilities to resume a cordial working relationship if things end. Discuss all foreseeable or possible issues and how you would handle them. Discuss the unintended consequences, acknowledging that what you are doing comes with inherent risks and accepting them.

3. Communication again when things get serious:

If your relationship does become something serious, talk about possible options to distance yourselves as co-workers. Perhaps one could approach a supervisor as ask for more work in a different department, or seek officers further away from each other. Reassignment may allow for a position that allows some space.

For anyone currently facing a prospective office romance, we would love to hear what you think! Please leave us comments below!

How many toasters do two people need?

credit: bridalsmakeup.blogspot.com

Save-the-dates inform you - not so subtly - that you are to procure a preselected wedding present from a preselected venue the happy couple deems appropriate. Infallibly, the registry is bursting with knives, colanders, and dishtowels. My first foray into the wedding gift world came late in college aka I had not had to purchase a wedding gift until after I had seen several high budget Hollywood movies. By that point I was under the impression that appropriate wedding gifts consisted of crystal wine glasses or silver candelabras. Imagine my confusion when I opened the first registry and saw the couple had requested napkin rings at $3 a pop. I was horrified. Won't I be morbidly embarrassed coming with $18 worth of napkin rings?! I sought out the most expensive gift on the list - a $60 version of the George Foreman grill. When I showed up with it they were stunned at the extravagance. Their reaction was touching but also puzzling to me - I thought you were supposed to give fancy, extravagant gifts for the wedding? No? Okay...

Later, independent of this wedding I was informed that wedding gifts serve to start off the couple's life together. That is the reasoning behind all the everyday items like dishrags. This made sense to me and I made peace with the notion of buying practical gifts.

Then came the mid-20s avalanche of weddings and I found myself buying tons of glasses and toasters all the while thinking that I am contributing to the couple having a tastier breakfast with some warm bread. Along comes the next rude awakening! Turns out couples in their mid-to late twenties generally have all the stuff they need for living. Not only that but it is quite likely that they have two of everything because they merged their stuff (I know this because thanks to this process I have acquired a toaster). So why, I then ask myself, would anyone register for a third toaster? Are wedding gifts becoming obsolete in a time when people marry later in life? What about giving personal items - for instance a purse the bride wants? Or are you of the traditional school of thought and believe that we should stick to household items because they signify the couple's joint life rather than her vacuum, his iron? 

Blue Valentine: A Realistic Look at the Problems in Contemporary Marriage

“You promised you would take me for better or for worse. This is my worst.”

 Credit: JustJared

We’ve all heard the alarmingly high rate of divorce in the United States. There are a number of possible factors contributing to this -- money, technological changes, rise of women in the workplace -- but no one can peg the actual reason why divorce rates are so much higher. Is it simply the fact that the rise of divorces causes others to rethink their lives and proceed with divorce? No one knows.

We finally saw the much talked about Blue Valentine this weekend. Blue Valentine is a low budget ($1M) indy film released in 2010 starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.  The film artfully documents the relationship of two modern young working-class individuals who meet by chance and fall in love. The characters are lovable and carefree at the beginning of the relationship and depicted as miserable and stuck by the end.

What do you do when you wake up one day and your significant other stops giving you any attention or affection? From the other perspective, how do you handle the relationship when almost a decade has passed yet your spouse still acts like an child without responsibility and ambition? What Blue Valentine exemplifies is that the enigma of falling out of love does not necessarily have one single source or reason. Instead, it is the product of countless variables and sometimes, nobody is at fault while everyone gets hurt. There is a child involved. Both parties clearly have the child’s best interest at heart.

This is not a chic flick, and most certainly not a romantic film. This is a genuine look at the demise of relationships as it so painfully occurs to too many couples in this modern world. We take the film not as a depressing reminder but rather as a wake up call to reflect on our own lives and what we can do to prevent such demise.